


Contra Spem Spero

by ivanna



Series: Carpe Diem [3]
Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: M/M, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:35:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivanna/pseuds/ivanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vin faced the first problem in his relationship with Chris. Sequel to 'Quo Vadis?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contra Spem Spero

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Farad for beta reading

On Friday Vin came to work at 7:30 a.m as usual. He parked his jeep in Team 7's parking lot in the underground garage of the Federal Building. The vehicles of Vin's teammates weren't there yet. Vin got out of his jeep and took a box of donuts from the front seat. Ignoring the elevator Vin took the stairs to the 11th floor. Team 7's bullpen was empty and quiet. Vin put the box on his desk, stripped off his suede jacket and came to the break room to make coffee. With a mug of the hot drink, he returned to the bullpen, sat at his desk, switched on his PC, and started a check of his mail. The elevator stopped on that floor, its door tinkled and then Vin heard footsteps in the hall. Without looking he knew who it was. The door of the bullpen opened and a soft, familiarly voice said laconically, "Morning."

"Morning, Chris," Vin answered and looked up.

Chris looked different today. He wore his usual dark suit but the shirt was blue, almost light blue. Vin didn't know that Chris had something like this in his wardrobe. Or maybe he hadn't had it earlier. Vin remembered that Chris planned to go shopping after work yesterday. The blue shirt suited Chris very well but Vin didn't say it aloud. Chris went to his office and soon the rest of Team 7 filled the bullpen. Vin invited his teammates to take the donuts, and a few minutes later, Team 7 had breakfast together. 

Chris came out of his office and grumbled good-naturedly, "Could you eat at home?" 

But Chris sat on Vin's desk and took the donut for himself. 

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," Josiah declared. 

"So why are you eating this stuff for breakfast?" Chris asked.

"Because this atmosphere helps digestion," Josiah answered with a huge grin. 

"I'll bring you coffee," Buck volunteered and disappeared into the break room.

When he returned with Chris' mug, Chris eyed him curiously. He took the mug and asked, 

"You want to leave early today?"

"Chris, you think I can't bring you coffee without ulterior motives?"

"Not this time."

"Okay, you're right. I have a date today. But Chris, you should see them! They are twins, their golden hair smellin' like sage just tumblin' down their backs to their sweet, buttermilk…"

"Enough."

"Do you remember the good old days when we..?"

"I said enough! You can leave when you want, just to save us from your stories."

"Okay, okay, whatever you say, stud."

Vin pretended that he was very busy and wasn't paying attention to the conversation. Chris finished his coffee, got up from the desk, walked around it and bent over Vin's shoulder as if he wanted to read something on his PC's screen.

"Come to the ranch for the weekend," Chris whispered in Vin's ear. 

"I don't know."

"Come. We need to finish that corral."

Vin blushed remembering why they hadn't finished it last week. 

"Okay."

"Good. I'll give you a ride afterwork."

Chris returned to his office. Breakfast was over and Team 7 got to work. But the work stopped an hour later when a gorgeous platinum blonde in an expensive business suit entered the bullpen. 

"Mary!" Buck exclaimed.

He rushed to her and they hugged like old friends. Other agents also greeted the woman, calling her 'Mary' or 'Mrs. Travis'. 

"When sis you came back? Was the trip successful?" Buck asked.

"Good morning, boys. I missed you so much! The trip was excellent, I shot a great report, it'll be a bombshell. I got back yesterday."

Woman's cold, pale gray eyes scanned the office and stopped at Vin who silently watched the scene.

"Mrs. Travis, let me introduce you to Mr. Vin Tanner, the sniper of Team 7. Mr. Tanner, Mrs. Mary Travis," Ezra said. 

Mary nodded and immediately lost interest in Vin.

"Chris in his office?" she asked.

"Yeah, let me walk with you," Buck answered and gallantly offered his arm. 

Vin watched as they entered Chris' office and closed the door. The blinds were closed after cleaning yesterday, and Vin couldn't see what was happening in the office. He turned to Ezra and whispered, 

"Ezra, who is she?"

Ezra looked at the closed door and answered, 

"Mrs. Travis is the daughter-in-law of A. D. Travis, and the widow of his murdered son. She owns a local TV channel here in Denver. She has a son Billy who is five, and she has very ambitious plans."

Vin nodded. He wanted very much to know that they were talking about in the office but even his keen hearing couldn't help him. He tried to get back to work but his eyes darting between the closed door of Chris' office and the clock. After 9 minutes the door opened and Buck came out. Alone. Vin frowned. He had no idea why he didn't like it but he didn't like it at all. Finally after 26 minutes the blonde came out of Chris' office. She said goodbye to Team 7 and left the bullpen. Vin relaxed and got back to work but Chris called him, "Vin, come here."

Vin entered the office. Chris was sitting at his desk and looked down, his long strong fingers twirling a pen. Without looking up at Vin he said, 

"Vin, about this evening… Travis is giving a party tonight and I should be there. I've just been told about it. I don't know when I'll get home. But you can go to the ranch alone."

Vin tried his best to keep his voice natural and indifferent.

"No. Maybe it's for the best. I need to check out those surveillance records so I'll do it today, after work. If our suspicions are confirmed, we can start planning the op on Monday." 

Chris finally looked at Vin. 

"Okay. I need to leave now. If you change your mind – you're welcome. You have a key." 

Vin nodded. Yes, he had a key, Chris gave it to him a week or so ago. Just in case, he had said. 

7777777

The 11th floor had emptied long time ago, and Vin was happy that he had stayed after work. Nothing distracted him, and he could give all his attention to the records. He found what he wanted to see and nodded, pleased. Those bastards illegally sold weapons. Now Team 7's job was to end their little business. 

Vin flexed his stiff shoulders and looked at the clock. Almost 9 p.m., time to go home. He put on his jacket, switched off his PC, turned off the lights, and left the bullpen. He was on his way to the elevator when he heard the phone ring in the bullpen. Vin swore under his breath and turned back. He picked up the receiver and growled, "Tanner." He listened a few minutes then said, "Okay, I'll take it to him. I'll be down in a few minutes."

He put down the receiver and headed to the elevator. The call was from reception on the ground floor. The courier had just delivered a package for Travis. The A.D. should get it as soon as possible and the duty officer telephoned all ATF offices in an illusory hope that someone was at the work. Vin got the package and went down into the underground garage to his jeep. Although the days were warm, the nights remained cold, at least for Vin, and he buttoned his worn jacket. When he was climbing into his jeep, he noticed the stain on his faded jeans and tried unsuccessfully to wipe it off, then left it be. He needed to wash those jeans. 

The jeep started with the first try and Vin drove it to an elite neighborhood in Denver. Travis' house was surrounded by expensive vehicles, and Vin barely found a place to park. He got out of his jeep, took the package and went to the house. He knocked and soon the door was opened by someone. Vin said who he was and why he was here and entered. 

The house was filled with bright light, exquisite music and people in fancy clothes. Vin stood in the hall and had no idea of what he should do. Then a seasoned woman came out of one room and Vin recognized her – Eve Travis, the wife of A. D. Travis. Vin saw her at once. Eve recognized him, too, and even remembered his name. She came to him and greeted him, "Vin, nice to see you."

"Good evening, ma'am. I have a package for A. D. Travis." 

"Oh, his work never leaves him alone. Come on, I'll take you to him."

Eve led Vin through the crowd. Vin felt like a complete stranger here. He had nothing in common with these glossy men in tuxedos and women in evening dresses and jewels, who didn't look like real women of flesh and blood. It was a different world, a world where Vin Tanner had no place. And he didn't want to have a place. 

Finally Eve found her husband. Travis grabbed the package that Vin had brought, checked out its contents and hurried away, briefly thanking Vin. But Vin didn't hear him, wasn't even aware as he left. He stared straight ahead and felt his world falling apart. 

There was Chris. Chris in a tuxedo that fitted him perfectly and emphasized the beauty of his lean body. Chris with beautiful, elegant, Mary Travis who clung possessively to his arm. They were the perfect couple: both blond, beautiful, intelligent. Vin didn't have any of that. And Chris belonged to this toffs' world. 

Chris felt the stare and turned his head. 

"Vin?" He called and started to come toward him but he was stopped by Mary who tugged on his arm and whispered something in his ear. She was tall enough to do it. Chris listened carefully and then patted her hand. Mary smiled triumphantly.

"Vin, are you all right?" Eve asked worriedly. "You are so pale. I'll get you something to drink."

"No, thank you, ma'am. I need to go, I really need to go."

He turned around and hurried, stumbling, to the door. 

"Vin," he heard behind his back and then familiar fingers grabbed his arm. Vin shook off the grip.

"Easy, Larabee. Folks will talk."

"Vin, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just have things to do. See you on Monday." 

Vin ran away without looking back. 

7777777

Vin didn't remember how he got to his jeep and rode back home, stopping by a store on the way. He burst into his apartment, slammed the door with his foot and locked it, put the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, and collapsed onto the sagging couch. Vin didn't like to drink too much but tonight he wanted to get really drunk. He took the bottle, opened it and took a swig straight from it. He didn't have the strength to look for a glass. Whiskey burned his throat and he grimaced, then heat seared his guts and the numbness in his mind gave a way to rage. 'The very ambitious plans,' he remembered Ezra's words. Oh yeah, tonight he saw some of those plans. Vin was a hunter and he knew when somebody else followed his prey. And Mary Travis sure as hell did it. 

'Damn it to hell! What the hell does it matter what she has in her mind, you'll give up so easily what belongs to you, Tanner?' Vin thought and took another swig. 

But did Chris belong to him? Vin remembered how Chris looked at Travis' place. Maybe they were right about Texans and Vin was really slow if he didn't figured out earlier that Chris was an elite of the Navy, a frequent guest at the Pentagon and Washington. What did he have in common with a semi-literate, penniless Texan? What could Vin give him?

Himself. 

But he didn't need to give himself. Chris had already, effortlessly, gotten all of him: his body, his mind and his soul. 

And it wasn't enough for Chris. He needed to have a family, a real family with a wife and a child. The natural thing if he wanted to make a new life with the widow and her son. Chris wasn't cursed to live his life alone like Vin was. 

He clung to the bottle for a long time. Then he looked around the apartment. He hadn't turned on a light when he got home but even dim light from the street couldn't hide the squalor of his place. The bare walls with long-faded wallpaper, the old couch on which he was sitting, a scratched table before him, a rickety chair, a couple of cabinets with warped doors, an ancient TV on the floor opposite the couch. He rented the apartment in such a state and the only thing that he had added in months of living here was a rug on the floor, one that covered the creaking of the boards. As the alcohol level in Vin's blood went up, his anger rose too. Anger at a life that had deprived him of everything, anger at himself for sitting here and bathing in self-pity, anger at… The ringing of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. Vin pulled the cell out from his jeans' pocket and looked at the display. The name on it matched the one in his mind. 

Damn you, Larabee!

Vin threw away the cell with all his strength. It hit the wall and fell to pieces. Vin slid to the floor, pulled his knees to his chest, wrapped his hands around his head and groaned loudly. 

How could he be so stupid? Chris was honest with him. Chris hadn't promised him anything. Chris said that he needed Vin but he never said that Vin was the only thing he needed. And if Vin was honest with himself, he would have admitted one thing: even at the height of passion a part of Chris' soul was closed to him. Chris fully gave his body but not his soul. But Vin didn't want to think about it, he preferred to close his eyes. They called him a sniper for nothing. A sniper should know that if he shot without looking, the rebound could hurt him. 

Vin pushed the table away with his foot and lay down on the rug. Alcohol on an empty stomach, fatigue and dark thoughts wore him out, and he fell asleep. 

7777777

Chris dialed Vin's cell again and again got no result. Seemed like Vin had switched it off after Chris' first try. Chris swore and sped the RAM. Vin was so weird at Travis' place and Chris couldn't get rid of his anxiety but he couldn't leave the party either. Finally Eve helped him to escape and now he drove the RAM to Purgatory. 

He skidded to a halt in front of the apartment building where Vin was living and scanned the facade. Vin's windows were dark but Chris had a feeling that Vin was there. Chris got out of the RAM and hurried to the 4th floor. He didn't have a key but it didn't stop him. He pushed the door with his shoulder. The door didn't bear the assault and flew in along with the hinges and the frame pieces. Chris burst into the apartment and froze when he saw Vin's body on the floor of the living room that was dimly lit by the streetlights. 

"Vin!"

He rushed to the body and checked the pulse. It was strong and even. His touch caused a moan and mumbling and Chris smiled with relief. He noticed the bottle and understood what had happened. Vin was drunk off his ass but he was in one piece. Chris returned to the door, raised it from the floor and leaned it back against the door casing, blocking the doorway. Then he turned on the light and went to Vin.

"C'mon, Vin, it's time for bed," Chris said, bending over the limp body. 

He took Vin in his arms and lifted him from the floor. Vin muttered something but Chris couldn't make out the words; Vin's Texan accent was much stronger than usual. Chris carried Vin to the bedroom and laid him down on the old narrow bed. He unfastened the holster with the SIG from Vin's belt and put it on the nightstand, then he stripped off Vin's clothes and boots. Vin didn't resist. Chris made him more comfortable and covered him with a blanket. Soon Vin was sound asleep. Chris stripped off his tuxedo jacket and threw it at the foot of the bed, and the bow-tie followed it. Chris undid a few buttons of his boiled shirt and went to the small kitchen. He found coffee and began to make a strong brew. He wasn't going to sleep in the apartment with the door broken. He would watch Vin's back. 

7777777

Vin woke with a feeling that all of the ATF's explosives were shoved in his head and ready to blow up. And all the mice of this building had made a nest in his mouth. He groaned and tried to move. He immediately understood that it was a bad idea. 

"Sucking from the bottle isn't one of your top skills, Tanner," a familiar soft voice said.

"Larabee," Vin exhaled. He gathered all his strength and forced himself to open one eye. "What are you doing here?"

The room was spinning merciless but he spotted Chris, who was sitting in the chair, his socked feet on Vin's bed. He was sipping coffee. His boiled shirt was wrinkled, his hair was tousled, and he looked obscenely beautiful. Vin closed his eye. 

"Kinda worried about you yesterday," Chris answered his question.

"You shouldn't have. I had a great time." 

Chris snorted. "I see."

Vin groaned again. He wanted to lie still as a log but nature had other plans for him. He tried to get up. 

"Bathroom?" Chris asked.

"You're smart."

"Just have experience." 

Chris got up and put the mug on the nightstand, then bent over Vin and wrapped his arms around Vin's body. Vin weakly grabbed Chris' shoulders. Chris helped Vin to get up and escorted him to the bathroom. In the doorway Vin freed himself and muttered, "I can be on my own here." 

Without a word, Chris closed the door and went to the kitchen to make fresh coffee. 

Vin spent half an hour in the bathroom. When he finally came out, wearing only a towel around his hips, he was as white as a sheet but he looked almost alive. Chris was sitting on the bed, his knees pulled up to his chest and his back resting against the pillow. He smoked, using a mug as an ashtray. Vin took a few shaky steps and sat heavily on the bed.

"Thank you very fucking much. Now I'll never get rid of the smell of smoke in here," Vin complained.

Chris took a deep puff and shrugged. "The smell of smoke is the smallest problem in this place."

"What do you mean?"

Chris didn't answer. Vin's brains slowly began to stir.

"You're here. But I forgot to give you the spare key…"

"No need for that now," Chris interrupted him. 

Vin turned his head and saw the door leaned against the door casing. 

"Damn you, Larabee, can you break out the lock without ripping to pieces half of the building?"

Chris shrugged again. "I was worried."

"You could call."

"I called. You didn't answer."

Vin remembered. Yeah, Chris had called. The wreck of Vin's cell should be somewhere in the living room. But maybe it was for the best that he hadn't answered the call and hadn't talked with Chris in yesterday's state of mind. 

Chris got up from the bed and went to the kitchen. A minute later he was back with a mug of coffee. He handed the mug to Vin and resumed his former position on the bed. After that, he lit another cigarette and asked, "Why?"

Vin pretended that he didn't understand.

"What 'why'?"

"Why did you get drunk last night?"

"Don't remember you ever explaining why you get drunk as a skunk."

Chris flashed him a glare but his voice remained calm. "It's not about me. And it's obvious that drinking isn't your habit." 

Vin took a sip of coffee, hoping to clear his mind and buy time. 

"Are you jealous of Mary?" Chris asked quietly.

Vin choked on the coffee. Damn it to hell, their ability to read each other's mind! Chris didn't need an answer, he saw that he had hit the target.

"You shouldn't. There is nothing between me and Mary." 

"Chris," Vin finally found his voice. "It's natural, if you start another family…"

Saying this Vin realized that he was wrong. Chris's eyes became icy, all the blood drained from his face. He crushed the cigarette in his fingers, turning it into ashes that covered Vin's bed. As his family turned into ashes that covered the parking lot in Norfolk, Virginia. His voice was empty and emotionless when he said, "No. Never be another family. Nobody can replace Sarah and Adam."

Vin felt the cold of the grave on his bare back. He didn't know what to say, what he should say. He had no experience in relationships, he didn't have the words to express his condolences and honestly, he wasn't sure that Chris wanted to hear them from him. Vin got up and said, "I have to get dressed."

Chris watched in silence as Vin pulled on his clothes, then asked, his voice normal now, "It's not just Mary bothering you. What else?"

Vin paused trying to find the words. Finally he licked his bottom lip and answered, "You looked so natural among those snobs, just like one of them, like you were made for such a life. And this thing," Vin nodded at the tuxedo, "suits you damn good." 

Chris smiled, but the smile was sad, a cloud of sorrow blurred his green eyes. 

"If you knew how much I hate these parties and all this tinsel. I was fed up with them when I lived on the East coast. I felt like a clown, stuck at a party in Washington only a few hours after returning from the ass end of the world. But Mary asked me to accompany her yesterday. She is a snob about such things. And we are friends. But only friends, nothing more."

Vin doubted that Mary would agree with this description of their relationship. Sometimes Chris couldn't see the obvious things but Vin wasn't going to enlighten him. 

Chris swung his legs off the bed and said, "If you're ready and aren't gonna get sick on the first turn, then let's go to the ranch."

"Who gave you the right to command, Larabee?"

"Apart from the fact that I'm your boss, I have common sense, which says that this apartment isn't suitable for life right now." 

'Common sense and Larabee - this is huge news,' Vin muttered under his breath. He wasn't sure he wanted to go to the ranch, and not because of his hangover. Chris stepped close to him and put his hand on Vin's shoulder.

"C'mon, Vin. We have all weekend ahead. You can safely leave this place, nobody will steal anything here." 

"Okay," Vin gave up.

He looked around the small apartment. He didn't need to take anything with him, everything necessary and more or less valuable already was at the ranch. He took the holster with the SIG from the nightstand and clasped it to the belt. How many times had he left it on Chris' nightstand? He didn't want to think about it now. He went to the living room and found the parts of his cell. The damage was less than he expected, just the back cover and the battery were disconnected. He quickly put the parts of the cell together and switched it on. It worked. 

"Vin, c'mon," Chris urged him.

"Yeah."

Vin took his jacket and they left the apartment. Vin found the building manager and asked him to fix the door, promising to pay for it. Finally he and Chris were in the RAM, riding toward the ranch. Vin leaned his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. Against his will, thoughts filled his mind. Until last night he had lived in happy oblivion. Now he started to understand that there was an abyss between Chris and him and the bond that had tied them from the start was a rope over the abyss. He had no chance to bridge that abyss but he had hope. And that hope would lead him forward.

_The next part is "Memento Mori"_


End file.
